Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
