Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
