I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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