We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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