his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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