Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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