My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
