i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
