I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
