I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
