Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
