You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
