Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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