Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
