im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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