A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
then he tried to convert me to islam
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
