I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
