You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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