I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
