can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
