I should be sponsored by Trojan
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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