i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
