If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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