I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
