I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...