Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.