Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.