why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.