OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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