I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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