I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize