Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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