I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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