Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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