just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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