forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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