im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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