She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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