the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
