Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
