So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
