Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
