Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
