Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
