I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
