hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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