I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
