HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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