awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
