I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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