he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is Oprah even human
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
