why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
