do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize