He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
