after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
