Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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