I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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