Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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