Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
