He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
