Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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