you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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